Game Reviews
Gorilla Tag: My Furniture Evolved, but Backwards
- Format
- 4 / 5
- Platform
- Steam · 173 hrs
- 4 out of 5. About 173 hours on record, which tells you most of what you need to know.
- Arm-only movement with no buttons, easy to learn and very hard to master.
- A real workout, and a real risk to anything within arm's reach.
- Public lobbies skew young and chaotic. Private lobbies and the mute button are your friends.
"My furniture evolved, but backwards" was my Steam review headline, credited to a "Local VR Enthusiast." Gorilla Tag is a chaotic symphony of primal parkour and broken lamps, and I've got 173 hours in it. That's more than almost anything else on my list.
What it is
You're a gorilla with no legs. You move by planting your hands on the ground, walls and trees and pushing yourself along, using your real arms. No thumbsticks and no buttons for movement. That's it. Then everybody plays tag.
The genius is how simple it is. Every swing and climb feels natural, because it's your body doing it. Going from basic scrambling to the advanced movement techniques is a slow, satisfying climb that keeps people playing for hundreds of hours.
There are several modes, like Tag, Infection, Hunt and Paintbrawl, and a handful of maps, each with its own layout that changes how you move. A cosmetic shop gives you something to work toward.
What worked
The movement. Once it clicks, it's responsive and weirdly natural. There's nothing else like it.
How physical it is. It's an active, immersive VR game, and you will get a workout.
Easy to learn, hard to master. The skill ceiling is high, and good players look like they're flying.
Regular updates. New maps and features keep coming, and it runs on modest hardware across most VR headsets, with cross-play.
What didn't
The community. This is the big one. Public lobbies tend to have very young players, with the inappropriate language and behavior you'd expect. The move to a paid entry helped a bit, but there are still disruptive players and cheaters.
Real-world danger. I'm not kidding about the furniture. You're throwing your arms around at full speed while you can't see the room. Collisions happen.
Space. It needs a lot of room to play safely, and ideally something padded nearby.
Warning
Clear your play space before every session, not just the first one. Things drift back into the room. Maybe invest in some corner guards.
Who it's for
Anyone who wants the most physical, present-feeling game in VR, as long as they can give it room. It's best with friends in a private lobby or a moderated community.
Worth it?
Yes, if you can handle the space and the crowd. It's proof that simple mechanics done perfectly beat a feature list every time. Just keep your arms, and your headset, away from anything breakable.
On that note, VR has not been kind to all of my gear. If you've ever gotten a headset wet, my Quest 2 recovery notes might save you an afternoon.